Not every family has a doula at their birth—and that’s okay.
Whether it’s for financial, personal, or logistical reasons, many birthing people will be accompanied only by a partner or close friend. But just because a doula isn’t there in person doesn’t mean their guidance, knowledge, and support can’t still be felt. With a little preparation, you can be the grounded, informed, and supportive presence your loved one needs during birth.
We’ve seen it happen. And we can help you get there.
What Does a Doula Actually Do?
Let’s break it down: a doula offers continuous emotional, physical, and informational support during labor and birth. That might include:
- Providing comfort techniques like counter-pressure, massage, and breathing cues
- Helping interpret what’s happening in the birth room and providing clarity
- Being emotionally grounded—calm, encouraging, and present
- Supporting the birthing person’s decisions and helping them advocate for what they want
- Holding space for the emotional journey—not just the physical one
None of this requires medical training. It requires care, confidence, and the right tools—tools you can learn.
How You Can Step Into That Role as a Partner or Companion
Here’s how you can show up as “the doula” when you don’t have one:
1. Learn Comfort Measures
Knowing a few physical support tools like hip squeezes, light touch massage, and breathing patterns makes a huge difference. These aren’t complicated techniques—but using them at the right time matters. (We’ll teach you!)
2. Stay Present and Calm
Even if things get intense or plans change, your calm presence can help regulate your partner’s nervous system. Your energy matters. Take deep breaths. Make eye contact. Offer gentle affirmations. Be their rock.
3. Understand the Process
Knowing the stages of labor, what to expect, and what’s normal reduces fear—for you and them. When you feel informed, you're less likely to panic and more likely to help them stay grounded.
4. Be Their Voice (When Needed)
Partners often help communicate the birthing person’s wishes to providers, especially when labor is intense. Understanding their birth preferences in advance lets you speak up with clarity and confidence.
5. Keep the Space Supportive
Simple things matter: dim the lights, play music, limit disruptions, protect their focus. That’s doula work, too.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to be a professional to be an incredible support person.
With intention and guidance, you can offer presence, comfort, and love in powerful ways. Our live virtual workshop for birth companions is designed to give you just that—hands-on tools, expert insights, and a chance to ask real questions.
And if you want to keep learning? We’ve launched a YouTube series just for partners like you. Because birth support doesn’t have to be professional to be transformational.